A Photo Essay

I've been thinking a lot about wrestling lately. Most of it has to do with watching The Iron Claw. But also: cats are great wrestlers. They have it all: the drama, the over-the-top expressions, the dirty fight moves. And, if you really know the cats who are doing the wrestling (as in, your own pets), there is something of a scripted feel to the whole thing. You sort of know who's going to do what, who will "win", who will walk away sulking. Up to a point. Like with WWE, I guess maybe you don't truly 100% know, even if you think you do. That's what keeps us watching.

So I present to you a montage (cue music) from a recent bout I attended. And by attended, I mean watched. In my office. Yesterday morning. Because, you see, unbeknownst to me, it was the Feline WWE Mid-Atlantic Regional Championships, or FWWEMARC, if you will, which sort of looks like a sound a cat would make during wrestling.

The two contenders put up quite the spectacle. There were signature moves. There was controversy. There was a champion defending his title. Let me stop myself and simply show you, as I happened to have a front row seat and camera (there was no other media presence so I have no further links to provide).

Contender on the left: The Red Menace. On the right, defending (regional) champion, The Cream Dream.

Making nice, shaking paws, etc., before the fight.

Always aware of his image, The Cream Dream says hello to his fans.

CONTROVERSY! Did the Red Menace unfairly start the fight as The Cream Dream was finishing his greetings? This photo suggests yes, but the refs don't look at replays.

You can see here that The Cream Dream was taken off guard while the Red Menace starts with the classic left hand chest push.

INCREDIBLE! The Cream Dream wakes up and immediately attacks with a direct head bite to the ear! And now, folks, we have a fight!

The Red Menace did not like that AT ALL. He breaks free and raises that left arm. What's he going to do next???

BAM! Folks! The Red Menace holds NOTHING back as he puts on his signature move, the double-paw head lock! Just look at that grip!!!

And SOMEHOW The Cream Dream is able to free himself from that death lock and boy, he's not happy. The Red Menace is left with a double chest push, not very effective with the weight of The Cream Dream pressing down on him.

Then OH MY WORD, folks! The Cream Dream comes back with his signature move, the double paws to the face! TO THE FACE! The Red Menace tries to sneak that right paw up but I'm not sure he's got much leverage.

Next the Red Menace shows WHY he's a menace and comes full force back with a fierce left hook.

And, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is that hesitation? Did the Red Menace make one single mistake and provide an opening for The Cream Dream?

THE CREAM DREAM HAS HIM! In the blink of an eye, The Cream Dream shows why he's still (regional) champion with a SECOND double paws to the face! The Red Menace was down for the count (meaning he left the ring and cleaned his toes). The Cream Dream retained his title of (regional) champ!

And so The Cream Dream retained his title of (regional) champ. What a show. The best 32 seconds in sports. Perhaps ESPN 72 will pick it up.